


Maintenance

by curi_o



Category: Firefly
Genre: Challenge Response, Community: cobb_and_tam, Contrivances: Mind Reading, F/M, First Line Challenge, Meta: Juvenilia, Sex: Masturbation, Sex: Sex Toys, Topics: Age Difference, Topics: First Kiss, Topics: First Time, Topics: Prostitution, Topics: Siblings, content: romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-10
Updated: 2006-10-18
Packaged: 2017-10-28 02:41:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/302842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curi_o/pseuds/curi_o
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River has a problem.  Inara has a solution.  Jayne's man-parts are involved.  The rest of Jayne seems to be optional.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Rocket

**Author's Note:**

> This is a weird story that gets a lot of love on FF.net. It was written for the first-line prompt run by cobb_and_tam, a now-defunct LJ community, in 2006. 
> 
> It was last edited for style and clarity (and some embarrassing gaffes that have bothered me for years) in 06/2012. (This is an ongoing process.)

* * *

There was something off about today; River could feel it in her bones. She didn’t really like feeling things in her bones. Bones weren’t meant to sense things. Bones existed to provide structure for her muscles and to house the blood-producing marrow.

Bones weren’t meant to break, either, but there’d been plenty of broken bones in the aftermath of the Reaver fight. Mal was the worst off—besides Wash and Mr. Universe. She felt a strange connection to the latter, as though they were the same.

That wasn’t right. She was _River_ —couldn’t be Mr. Universe, too. Or was she Mr. Universe and dead? There were all those screens, all that information: constantly coming in, feeding in, running in, streaming in…

There was no room for other humans—not with all the screens, the signal that _couldn’t_ be stopped.

Mr. Universe and River were sexual beings, and Mr. Universe had married the LoveBot to meet his physical needs. That made sense. He didn’t want to procreate, but his body pushed him to it. It was a matter of maintenance.

River had her own maintenance. Her hands were very useful and skilled, nimble and tiny. They weren’t quite what her body craved, in the end, but they got her through well enough, when the urges flowed.

It was frightening to think that her sexual peak was still years away. The hormones that commanded her muscles to find sexual gratification washed through her at the strangest, most inopportune times _already_. She wasn’t quite sure she could survive if they got stronger, more frequent, and more distracting.

And they were distracting. She’d be trying to explain a fighting strategy to Jayne and he’d look her in the face and there those tingles were. They’d be sparring in the bay and Jayne’s hand would brush her neck; her thighs would warm. She’d be piloting and planning her free time on the next planet, thinking about what everyone else would do: Kaylee and Simon shopping for produce, holding hands; Inara pretending to keep an appointment; Mal and Zoe finding needed supplies or visiting a bar; Jayne drinking and visiting a whorehouse, his big frame sliding over a small, dark-haired woman, seeking his own sexual gratification—and her whole body would start to hum.

The need to find sexual fulfillment had grown exponentially in the past few months; she could barely sit at the dinner table and look at her crewmates—Jayne’s blue eyes looking at her peripherally, his big mouth wide open in a grin, teasing Inara or Kaylee or Simon—without needing to run for her bunk.

So she had gone to Inara for help. After today, she hoped, her body’s sexual drive would become much more manageable. Sometimes, she reasoned, it made sense to give her body what it wanted—no matter how illogical.

* * *

They were docked on Osiris—a fact that, not long ago, would have frightened River—and Mal warned them all to behave themselves during the 10-hour stay. River didn’t plan to be anywhere she could make a scene, though she did worry that Jayne might find himself in a much more attention-drawing situation. He always attracted attention, no matter where they went, from _women_ —too many women, River found herself thinking.

It just wasn’t helpful for him to have so many options, she told herself. It would take him far too long to choose between them, which meant he would have only enough time left for far too short a sexual interlude and leave less-than-optimally satisfied. And, being Jayne, he naturally ended up choosing the options that would suit him least, River had observed.

She’d begun to worry about him even more after she’d noticed a decrease in the frequency of his visits to brothels. A diminished sexual appetite, especially in a man with such large appetites as Jayne, might mean depression or another illness. She’d asked Simon to insist on a physical, but the boob had assured her that Jayne was perfectly healthy.

“I’m his doctor, mei mei. I’d know if something were wrong. Buddha knows he’s in the infirmary often enough as it is.”

That was exactly her point. What if during the last job Jayne had sustained a deeper wound than Simon had found or Simon had mistreated a wound and made it worse? Simon wasn’t perfect, after all. Top 3% wasn’t exactly number one, now was it?

Stupid Simon. Jayne was probably going to die because Simon couldn’t recognize basic signs of distress. And then they’d have to find someone _new_ who was intimidating, good with guns, big, selfish, sweet, sweaty, with dark hair and blue eyes and arm muscles that just screamed to be touched… There weren’t a lot of men around like Jayne.

It was all Simon’s fault.

* * *

River met Inara at her shuttle, docked near—but out of sight of—Serenity. The butterflies in River’s stomach were making her slightly nauseous and she willed the bits to stay down as they walked gracefully along the busy urban streets. Inara led River past boutique after elegantly decorated boutique, pausing briefly now and then to admire a particularly lovely window display.

It was a deliberate attempt on the Companion’s part to calm River’s nerves, the younger woman knew. Though she appreciated Inara’s thoughtfulness, however, she wanted to see her mission through to its conclusion as quickly and satisfyingly as possible. Finally, the Companion paused in front of a small, intimate-looking shop, its windows made translucent by the sheer white and pink silk artfully draped across them.

Inara took River’s hands in hers, looked her in the eyes, and gave her a genuine grin.

“Let’s go shopping.”

* * *

River’s eyes widened as they entered the boutique. There were so many varieties of merchandise—even her research on the Cortex hadn’t prepared her for this. Inara noted her friend’s astounded face and smiled. Her eyes took on a distinctly mischievous glint.

“Many men find themselves concerned about their personal adequacy when they see the inside of shops like these," the Companion confided.

River laughed in response, drawing the attention of the shop’s proprietor, a lovely woman in her mid-forties. The woman’s face lit up when she saw River’s shopping companion.

“Why, if it ain’t Inara Serra!” River was surprised at the accent in which the woman spoke. It reminded her of Jayne’s. She wondered if he had felt up to visiting a brothel today and smirked at the unintentional wordplay.

While the two women exchanged pleasantries, River explored the small store. There was a plethora of options! Some of the appliances were plastic, others metal, and still others made from synthetic materials designed to feel like "the real thing". Some had a long column modeled on the male sex organ; others were designed to be worn under clothing and stimulate the clitoris. River imagined sparring with Jayne while wearing one of the latter and shivered.

Then she saw it. The Rocket. It was _perfect_ : bright red, with a large phallus _and_ a clitoral stimulator. It had a remote control, so she wouldn’t even have to bend down to adjust the settings—and there were many. She studied it to be sure of her purchase, and by the time Inara and the older woman joined her, she had decided.

“And _this_ is my dear friend, River Tam, Serenity’s pilot,” Inara said to the woman. “River, I’d like you to meet Josie Cobb.”

* * *

River, in the process of extending her hand politely, froze. Inara and the older woman noticed River’s discomfort and Inara took pity on her. “She’s our Jayne’s sister.”

Josie laughed. “Yup. Lucky for us all, I ain’t a thing like that ugly brute.”

A loud voice called from somewhere off of the main shop, “Hey! I don’t say stuff like that about _you_!”

* * *

Oh, fuck.

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck _fuck_.

Jayne? Here? In the store where River had found the answer to her problems? The _embarassing_ answer to her very _private_ problems?

She was going to _kill_ Inara with her brain—just as soon as she found a way to resurrect herself from death by embarrassment.

* * *

“Jayne Cobb, don’t you come any closer to this front room, or so help me, I will whip that hideous white _pi gu_ of yours till you can’t walk. I did when you were eighteen and I can do it now, respectable Core woman or not,” Josie hollered to her brother.

“I ain’t got a desire to see your fake cods anyway, Jo,” came the smug reply. “Know ain’t none of ‘em come close to the real thing I’ve got.”

River, as red as her intended purchase, couldn’t help but laugh at Inara’s unladylike snort and Josie’s rejoinder.

“Seems there’s some women out here think you’re just a little too confident, baby brother!”

“Send ‘em back, Jo. I’ll show ‘em what a _real_ sex toy looks like!” Jayne yelled.

“Watch this,” Josie whispered conspiratorially to her customers. “Jayne!” she called. “I think we’ve got somethin’ out here that’s got your equipment beat!”

“Jo, ain’t a dong in the ‘verse can take my member in a competition!” Jayne sounded slightly hurt that his sister would challenge his manhood, but retained the teasing tone in his voice.

Josie laughed evilly in anticipation of her brother’s reaction, which caused Inara and River to erupt into giggles. She raised her voice and instructed, “Storeroom, second shelf on the right. Pick any box; they’re all the same. It’s my most popular model.”

She paused for a moment, then shouted, “You find it?”

“What kinda fool name is ‘The Rocket’? An’ how come this looks so damn familia— _JOSEPHINE MORRIS COBB_ , you are goin’ straight to the special hell!”

* * *

Josie laughed a gleeful belly laugh that spread to the two women with her. “But, Jaynie, you did offer…”

The sound of heavy stomping boots grew louder and River just had time to hide her own box behind her back before 6’4” of furious man-flesh burst onto the sales floor. “I was _drunk_ and _joking_ and you knew it. Sure, I stuck my piece in that mold you gave me, but this is an invasion of my gorram _privacy_ , Josie! Besides, how am I supposed to compete with a ruttin’ vibratin’ head!?”

River noted his blue eyes flashing in a way she’d never seen before. He wasn’t angry with his sister for the reasons he’d mentioned, she realized. He was _embarrassed_ —and worried.

Worried? What could possibly be worrying him? River was curious, but a beeping from Inara’s bag caught her attention. River remembered her appointment. She and Inara locked eyes, and Inara looked at Josie, sending a silent message with her gaze. River shifted uncomfortably in the moment it took for Josie to understand, feeling Jayne’s eyes studying her. No doubt he would be even more furious if he knew just what she intended to purchase.

“Jayne Cobb! Off my sales floor! Now, little brother, or I’ll plaster your face on the next shipment’s packaging!” The threat did the trick, and Jayne all but ran from the room, leaving River and Inara to finalize their purchase.


	2. The Whore

* * *

“Ian, I’d like to introduce my dear friend, Miss River Lee,” said Inara, standing in the entrance to a lavishly furnished apartment. “River, this is Ian Roy.”

River smiled at the handsome man and held out her hand. “How do you do, Ian?”

Ian returned her smile and bowed to brush his lips against the back of her hand. “I’m filled with pleasure at meeting _you_ , Miss Lee.”

Inara noted the younger woman’s blush at Ian’s behavior. She was pleased to see that she had chosen well.

“Ian and I trained together on Sihnon, River. I’m glad to see he’s grown up a bit since I last saw him,” Inara teased the man.

River flushed a darker red, Inara observed. No doubt she was appreciating just how fine a male Ian had grown into.

“Ah, but my dear Inara, it is you who seem to have transformed from a gangly cygnet to a gorgeous swan in just a few short years.” Ian’s eyes shone with mirth.

Inara laughed at her friend’s observation. “I am quite stunning, am I not? It must be all the time I spend preening,” she said, sarcasm lacing her voice. “I’ve got an appointment to do just that this afternoon, and you know how Osirian dressmakers can be,” she added, smiling at Ian, “so I must excuse myself.”

She turned her smile to River. “I’ll see you at two, _mei mei_.”

She studied the younger woman’s eyes briefly. When she was sure River had no reservations about remaining in Ian’s company, Inara nodded briefly, kissed Ian’s cheeks in farewell, and left the apartment alone.

She knew what Ian would be saying now: _“Well, Miss Lee, would you care to join me for tea?”_

And River would respond, as expected: _“Yes, please, Ian; and do call me River.”_

Yes, Inara thought, River would thoroughly enjoy her time with Ian.

* * *

Jayne stalked through the Osirian city’s streets, uncomfortable in the upscale surroundings and the clothes Josie had insisted he wear: _“Can’t walk around on Osiris in that awful stripy shirt, Jaynie. You’ll scare the children!”_

Well, let ‘em be scared. He was a scary man. ‘Course, he looked like a pansy in the getup Josie’d bought him: black trousers with front pleats like they’d been folded wrong and a tight-fitting white t-shirt. No pictures or nothin’! Josie’d said somethin’ about “gettin’ her attention, now,” but Jayne hoped she didn’t mean the “her” he was used to thinkin’ on.

The “her” he’d been thinkin’ on didn’t look dangerous either—leastaways, not at first.

‘Course, after a body saw her fightin’ or dancin’ or movin’ at all, she started lookin’ all kinds of dangerous. Weren’t terrible long after that he’d realized she didn’t need to use violence to kill him: she just had to wear them short skirts or go off-ship all made up and he’d feel so many things, he was like to have a coronary.

An’ he’d stopped goin’ out for trim, ‘cause weren’t no use payin’ a woman who didn’t do a thing for him. All that worked these days was the image of River Tam in his brain.

He couldn’t help lookin’ at her; tried not to let on what he was thinkin’ and feelin’ about a slip of a girl young enough to be his kid—far too young to be his woman—but he couldn’t help feelin’ like she _knew_. She was so guarded around him: antsy and uncomfortable and always _watchin’_ —like maybe she thought he was gonna get stupid again.

He weren’t, though. Weren’t never gonna do a single thing to hurt River Tam again in his entire life, if’n he had a thing to say about it.

That’d be different if’n he was gonna try to be with her, ‘cause he weren’t an idiot ‘bout relationships. Just ‘cause he hadn’t been in one in nigh on twenty years didn’t mean he thought it was all about sappy go se. Couples fought all the time’n made each other cry’n sulk an’ all kinds of ridiculous behavior. Everybody knew that.

He kinda pitied the boy who eventually caught River—he was gonna be in for a hell of a ride. ‘Course, in some ways, that might make it all the more exciting.

Poor Riv, though. She weren’t never gonna meet a boy good enough for her if’n she spent her life pilotin’ that piece of le se they called home. Cap’n an' Doc _had_ to see how unfair it was for River to be a beautiful, smart, talented woman an’ never have the chance to make choices for herself.

Nah. That was givin’ those two way too much credit. Well, maybe he’d say somethin’ to ‘em. Just as soon as he figured out a good explanation for bringin’ it up in the first place.

‘Course, he’d seen River with ‘Nara at Josie’s shop. Heard ‘Nara’s voice, familiar with his sister, an’ that made sense, ‘cause whores had to know their way around the tools of their trade, after all. Didn’t explain why she’d been introducin’ River to Jo.

That poor girl. He could’ve throttled ‘Nara for takin’ her along into a place like Jo’s shop. Had to be damn uncomfortable bein’ all innocent and surrounded by all them... _things_. ‘Nara could be so selfish an’ thoughtless.

An’ _Josie_ , embarrassin’ him like that in front of people. In front of _those_ two women! Sellin’ a toy modeled on him to women an’—he shuddered—men, an’ him with no idea he was gettin’ shoved into so many places! What if’n they weren’t places he wanted to be?!

What if’n there were women he’d sexed out there comparin’ him to their _Rockets_ an’ sayin’ things like, “Well, he ain’t near such a long burn as this’n’s got. Guess it’s a good thing he’s gone an’ you’re still here, Rocket”?!

Oh, god. And River had to have seen it. She was standin’ right in front of the display. An’ she… what if it scared her?

What if bein’ in that shop turned her sly?!

An’ what did she think of the man whose sister’d sold _things_ modeled off’f his man-parts?

Oh, no.

What if she thought he an’ Jo’d…

Eww.

The longer he thought on this, the more he thought it might be best if’n he just got it all over with. Leave Vera an’ the girls to River an’ jump off a bridge or somethin'. Maybe Doc'd do it for him, if'n he said somethin' 'bout thinkin' on River.

After he gave ‘Nara a piece of his mind. ‘Cause there she was, leavin’ some fancy clothin’ shop.

“’Nara Serra, I’ve got somethin’ to say to you!”

* * *

River sank onto the satin sheets, Ian’s body blanketing hers. His mouth was gentle against her lips; his breath was sweet and minty.

His hands gently massaged her body into a state of relaxed arousal; his mouth, gone from hers, rained soft kisses over her torso. When she let out a low whimper, Ian said softly, “What do you want me to show you?”

River smiled.

* * *

Inara turned at the loud voice and was surprised to see a very angry Jayne Cobb stomping toward her. He couldn’t be angry about that silly vibrator business, could he? It was embarrassing, surely, but Jayne had never been shy about his body before. If anything, she would have thought him proud to be the inspiration for such a popular item.

And yet here he was, staring down at her with his “intimidation face.” (She well recalled the night he’d gotten drunk and spent an hour demonstrating the look and explaining how he made it.) She refused to be cowed.

“I didn’t expect to see you here, Jayne. Macy Street sells only women’s clothing, after all," she smiled warmly at his grim expression. Maybe a change of tactics would lighten the mood. "Did Mal send you out to find a costume for another job?"

No joy. The big man just kept glaring.

Inara sighed. “Did you want to say something, Jayne?”

“Yeah, I want to say something!” he barked, drawing stares from passersby. Inara noticed that his intimidation face worked better on them.

He dropped his voice to a low hiss and continued. “What in the sphincter of hell were you playin’ at, taking River into Jo’s place? She don’t need to go along on those kinds of errands.”

Inara’s mouth dropped open a fraction.

Jayne hardly noticed, so focused on his speech was he. “She don’t need you pickin’ up where them go se Blue Hands left off on corruptin’ her! She ain’t old enough to know ‘bout all that stuff, ‘Nara. She’s too gorram young. She deserves to be a gorram kid without us shovin’ all our thoughts and feelin’s an’ wants on her!”

He sighed and shook his head wearily, nearly out of steam. “It just ain’t fair for any of us to be selfish an’ expect her to be all grown up.”

Inara raised one eyebrow and waited for Jayne to look at her instead of the pavement at his feet.

When he didn’t, she patted his bicep comfortingly. “She’s not a child, Jayne. She really isn’t. She may not have as many years as you or I, but she’s far older than either of us. It’s true that there are things she doesn’t know and hasn’t experienced, which is _why_ , when she asked for my help, I took her to Josie’s.”

Jayne looked at her quizzically and grunted. “What’d she want your help for?”

Inara’s eyebrow rose higher and she tilted her head in a distinctly River Tam-esque pose.

Jayne flushed. “She… the… _that_? And you… and her…” he trailed off.

Inara was surprised to see his expression go from despondent to embarrassed to excited and back to despondent as he processed her statement. She felt her cheeks pink as she realized his incorrect conclusion.

“Jayne, I don’t service crew. Period. And, honestly, I don’t think she’d be interested in sleeping with a woman. And I would know; remember?” she deliberately referenced the day so long ago when the crew of Serenity had realized she serviced men _and_ women, hoping to distract Jayne before he became tangled in his thoughts.

“You… you can tell if’n a body’s sly without them sayin’ somethin’?” he was fascinated despite himself.

Inara found herself channeling Mal. “Like woman, I am a mystery.”

Jayne gave her a satisfyingly confused look before returning to his original concern.

“Where’s Riv? Why ain’t she with you?" he grew increasingly agitated as he interrogated her. "Did you _lose_ River?! We gotta find her! Them Academy assholes mighta snatched her an’—“

Inara hadn’t meant to laugh out loud. He was just so sweet as a man in love. He was well-dressed and focused entirely on River’s health, safety, and happiness.

River Tam was in possession of her very own mercenary.

* * *

What was Inara laughin’ at? There was nothin’ funny about River bein’ in danger. Less’n… she’d been the one to turn her in! He’d never felt so much like hurtin’ a woman in his entire life.

“Where. Is. River,” he growled menacingly. It was satisfying to see Inara’s eyes widen as she realized the seriousness of his anger.

“Jayne, she’s fine. I left her with a friend.”

Inara was tellin’ the truth, but she weren’t tellin’ everythin’. She’d never been terrible good at lyin’. Jayne asked his next question with extreme deliberateness. “You left. A wanted woman. With a _stranger_? Are you stupid?”

“Jayne, I assure you, she’s completely safe. In fact, I would guess she’s enjoyed herself a great deal,” Inara’s soothing tone and words did their job.

Until, that is, Jayne realized what she wasn’t sayin’. “You took _River Tam_ to a MAN-WHORE?!” he roared.

Inara flinched and glared at the large man. “Ian is a well-respected Companion. He has a fine reputation _and_ is a close personal friend. I’d appreciate it if you never used _that word_ in reference to him again.”

Jayne took a step closer to Inara and stared down at her.

She looked to the side, at a window display. “I’m going back to meet her in 15 minutes, Jayne. You’re welcome to accompany me, if you’ll watch what you say and refrain from violence.”

Jayne’s heart thumped. “Where?”

Inara didn’t answer.

Jayne stepped back and lowered his voice. “ _Where is River?_ ”

Inara’s eyes flicked to an apartment complex across the street.

Jayne started walking.

* * *

“Thank you, Ian,” said River warmly as she stepped outside of the apartment. “I’ve had a lovely time.”

“I’m very glad to have spent this afternoon with you, River,” Ian’s brown eyes shone with sincerity. “If you’re ever back on Osiris, I’d love to see you again.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” River smiled as she walked away.

She’d barely entered the building’s lobby when a familiar voice assaulted her ears. “You can shove that ‘invitation’ up your pi gu, dong ma? My friend’s here and I ain’t leavin’ without her!”

Oh, Buddha. Not again.

* * *

“Excuse me, gentlemen,” River smiled sweetly. “I’m afraid there’s been a terrible mix-up. I’m very sorry for any inconvenience we’ve caused you,” she said, and grasped Jayne’s thick forearm in her own, leading him to the exit. “It won’t happen again.”

Jayne smirked over his shoulder at the building’s staff. “Toldja I weren’t leavin’ without her.”

River dug her nails into his arm and he yelped. “Shut up,” she hissed. “We’re going to have a talk, you and I.”

She heard Jayne swallow heavily. Good. He should be scared. He had nearly been arrested after that scene he caused. What in hell was he thinking?

* * *

“What in _hell_ were you thinking, you crazy woman?”

“What was _I_ thinking?! I was _thinking_ , Jayne Cobb, that my private affairs are none of your business! If and when I choose to have sex, I need neither your approval nor the approval of any person barring _myself_ , dong ma?"

Jayne watched, slightly amused, as she stamped her foot in frustration.

"You have no right to come along just when I've solved my problems and make them start all over again!”

He couldn’t stop himself.

* * *

In front of River, the big man’s nostrils flared.

“Yeah, well, your _problem_ seems to be that you can’t choose any better for yourself than a gorram slut!"

River's mouth opened in shock.

Jayne continued, "You’re better than that, River!”

And then he kissed her.


	3. The Original

River's mouth must have opened to tell him off for what he’d said about her whore, because his tongue slipped right in and began tusslin’ with hers. That was the first thing he noticed.

The second was that her legs were wrapped around his waist, which meant he’d lifted her off the ground. Her fingers laced through his hair, massaging his scalp, as her tongue chased his back into its proper mouth.

He had one large paw under her rump—he realized he was kneading the flesh of her hips—and another arm around her back, supporting her weight and crushing her to him.

He could feel her breasts flatten against his upper body; he could feel her heartbeat racing against his ribs. He felt her moan before it vibrated under his lips.

He froze.

* * *

“ _Jayne_ ,” she’d murmured. “Jayne.”

It had been so wholly unexpected, the mountain of a man so angry and _passionate_ , flinging his emotions at her.

It was insulting, of course, to have a man tell her what she could and could not do with her body. Especially _this_ man. Was he honestly blind to the irony in calling _Ian_ a slut? Jayne, who never looked at a woman but to determine her price?

That wasn’t fair, either, River knew. Hadn’t she been concerned when he’d _stopped_ looking at women as if he were shopping for ammunition or food? He hadn’t been the old Jayne for months now.

The new Jayne was sexy as hell.

And then he was kissing her, and she was kissing him back, and there had never been anything more erotic or tender or welcome in her entire life.

When he froze against her—when his arms and hands stiffened and his breath caught and he made sure she was steady on the ground before running faster than she’d known he could move, before running _away_ from her without having once looked her in the eyes—she felt his panic and sorrow and anger (at himself, she realized) and wondered why.

* * *

Jayne ran for Jo’s place at full speed. He almost got himself killed a couple of times, darting in front of oncoming vehicles and once in front of an Alliance patrol unit. He barely registered the danger.

He’d kissed _River Tam_. He’d _kissed_ River Tam. _He’d_ kissed River Tam.

He was going to the special hell; his one-way ticket had been bought and paid for the second he’d put his mouth against hers.

She’d looked so gorgeous: flushed, eyes flashing defiantly. She looked like a woman.

But she wasn’t, no matter what ‘Nara said. He’d taken advantage of the doc’s little sister and now he was gonna have to accept whatever punishment waited for him on Serenity. He weren’t gonna beg for his life like last time; he’d go along quietly.

He’d be on Serenity when it left. He just needed to say goodbye to his sister first.

* * *

“It makes so much sense, Inara! I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.” River snorted. “Genius, indeed!”

The pair sat in the small café where they’d planned to discuss the afternoon’s events before returning to Serenity. Jayne’s unexpected arrival on the scene, however, became the more important topic of conversation.

“I suppose it wouldn’t help to say that I didn’t see it before today, either, then?” River’s dining companion asked.

“Why wouldn’t he have _told me_ his affection? I never know what I’m feeling until it’s too late—I thought I was _broken_!”

River tried to hold in the tears that came when she remembered how frustrating life had been the past few months. It wouldn’t do to cry in public. It was only the excitement of finally understanding so many things—having so many strong emotions—in such a short time.

She was relieved when Inara suggested they return to Serenity; it would soon be time to prepare for flight, and Mal would be angry if she were late.

“Mei mei,” said Inara as they walked, “Jayne’s very confused.”

River snorted. “ _He_ ’s confused.”

“He’s convinced himself that you are too young for him,” River opened her mouth to protest, but Inara hurried on, “ _despite_ all evidence to the contrary. You don’t _look_ like a little girl, you don’t _talk_ like a little girl, and you don’t _act_ like a little girl. You’re a beautiful young woman, River, and Jayne knows it. He’s afraid of something else, mei mei.”

River’s heart sank. “ _What_? What’s got him so scared that he’s running from me? I can’t afford to chase him all over the ‘verse, Inara.”

Inara stopped on the sidewalk and put her palms on River’s cheeks. River saw the honest hope in the older woman’s eyes as she said, “I don’t know what it is, but I’d bet it wouldn’t take too much to get him past it. He’s in love with you. You just need to let him know you’re in love with him, too.” She paused. “You _are_ in love with him, aren’t you?”

The younger woman tried to take stock of the evidence.

“I don’t know!” she finally exclaimed, frustrated. “I’ve never been in love before! I know I love Simon; _that_ doesn’t feel like this—but the lust I felt with Ian wasn’t as strong as what I feel with Jayne.” River felt the tears threaten to return. “I don’t want anyone else. I’ll never meet anyone I want more than I want Jayne.”

She gave a wry chuckle, wiping the backs of her hands against her eyes. “I’d never get the chance, anyway, up in the black all the time.”

Inara smiled. “I’d keep that last part to yourself, mei mei, unless you want to claim the boob crown. Remember what Simon...“

River was distracted by an exasperated voice that was growing in volume. “… your fool self-pity and tell that woman how you feel, you dumb boy! I swear, you ain’t got the sense of a flea sometimes…”

A door River and Inara had just passed swung open and the voice spilled into the street ( _“… no, don’t worry about that god-awful shirt, Jaynie. I already tore it up for scraps...”_ ) followed by the outraged figure of Jayne Cobb. “Love you, Jaynie. You write me, you hear?”

River watched Jayne wave goodbye to his sister and clutched at Inara’s hand, suddenly afraid of the inevitable.

When he turned and froze, however, she found herself greeting him with a grin.

“Come walk with us, Jayne. We’re headed back, too.”

* * *

Jayne knew he was in the special hell now. The woman of his dreams walked at his side, and he couldn’t look at her or talk to her or touch her.

Well, maybe just a little look. Just to make sure she was okay.

She—she was _starin’_ at him with the most blatant expression of lust he had ever had the pleasure to see in a woman’s face!

_Eyes forward, Cobb. One foot in front of the other._

Well, he might have been imaginin’ it. She was probably glarin’ at him in anger. That was what was goin’ on.

Better check, then. Had to know how soon he could expect to die.

 _Wo de tian_! That there was the look of a woman who expected to be thoroughly sexed. By him.

Her eyes were all half-lidded, starin’ at his. When they dropped to his mouth, he watched in fascination as her tongue slipped between her lips to wet them before she bit the lower of the pair.

Her hand slipped into his and pulled him toward her suddenly. “Almost walked into a waste receptacle. Hazard of distraction,” she whispered, and it sent a shiver up his spine.

He tried to speak, but found his throat too dry for any sound to come out. He swallowed.

“You gonna hang onto me, then? Make sure I don’t get hurt?” He searched her eyes with his own, anxious for her answer.

“Mei Mei, Jayne, I’m going to go get my shuttle.” Jayne started at Inara’s cheery announcement and looked up to see Serenity’s cargo bay directly in front of him.

He turned to say something to River, but she’d slipped her hand from his and disappeared.

* * *

_Focus,_ River. Breathe in; breathe out. Focus. Just get Serenity into the black. One thing at a time.

* * *

Jayne all but sprinted for his bunk. Nodded to Mal on the way; the sight of River’s brother slowed his step some, but he’d been in his bunk a good five minutes before he felt the boat leave ground.

_Wo de ma._

The way she’d looked at him—the way she’d _kissed_ him…

Maybe he’d been wrong about the whole situation. Maybe Jo’d been right about this. She had a way of doin' that. Either way, his man parts were feeling more alive than they had in _years_ , and that was the first thing needed attendin’. There’d be plenty of time to figure out what was going on with the girl later, he thought, as his hand slid over taut flesh in a practiced motion.

_Plenty…_

He saw her eyes: dark and dilated, dark and laughing, dark and crying, dark and furious.

_…of…_

He felt her mouth on his, her tongue on his, her legs on his, her hand in his.

_…time._

The hatch to his bunk opened as he came.

* * *

She was too late. It was ruined, and it was her fault.

Honestly. He couldn’t have _waited_?

Oh, but his face was so adorable: shocked and embarrassed and apologetic and euphoric and adoring, all at once.

River put her thoughts on pause for the moment it took to climb into Jayne’s bed, straddle his thighs, and pull the big man into a sitting position. She refused to think as she claimed his mouth with her own in an attempt to communicate just how passionate was her need for Jayne Cobb.

And then she was kissing air. It was highly unsettling, not to mention incredibly embarrassing. Idiot man. Always with the talking; never with the action. And she would have to reply, of course, in words, which meant turning the thoughts back on.

“We can’t do this, girl,” Jayne was saying against her lips. “I’m a big, mean, ug—well, _not_ ugly… in fact, women seem to think I’m very attractive, but that ain’t the point. I ain’t book smart, like you’n Simon. I’m too old and set in my ways and I could be your pa and I’m older’n your brother _and_ Mal. I’m _old_ , dong ma? I’m gonna _be_ old for the whole rest of your life.

“You’re gonna be young and beautiful always, and I’m gonna be gettin’ wrinklier and slower and someday some young guy is gonna come along and I’m not gonna be able to fight him off an’ I’m gonna lose you or you’re gonna lose me an’ I ain’t a family kind of guy. I ain’t a _good_ man. I ain’t never gonna _be_ a good man. I—“

River rolled her eyes with her mouth attached to his. “ _Bi zui_ ,” she sighed against Jayne’s lips.

“But,” Jayne seemed to be learning, because he punctuated the word with a kiss, “ _why_?”

Inwardly, River groaned. What was so gorram hard about accepting this as right? Still, his questions needed her answers, and she could do that for him.

“I thought I was broken,” she began. “Every time I was near you, I would _feel_. Feel the most intense _desire_.” She licked his lips before leaning back, cradling his jaw in her palms and studying his eyes.

“I didn’t know you felt it, too. I thought I was still _broken_ ,” she whispered, closing her eyes, and felt Jayne’s hand smooth her hair. “I went to Inara for help, but we lacked the complete set of data. I did not factor _you_ in to the equation.” She gently stroked his jaw with her fingers.

“The countermeasures proved helpful, but not wholly effective. It was not until you kissed me that I began to understand how mistaken I had been,” she opened her eyes. “I want _you_ , Jayne Cobb, both now and when you are old and frail and wrinkled and dying, and for all the years in between: you and no other man.”

She watched his eyes widen in amazement and hope before an uncomfortable shadow settled in them again. “You _were_ with another man. You sayin’ it weren’t no good?”

River flinched, though a trickle of amusement ran through her. “She spent the afternoon with Ian. This is true,” she said seriously. “She had a lovely time and learned a great deal.”

Jayne’s face clouded in pain and he shifted as if to push her off, deliberately avoiding her eyes. River hurried to finish her thoughts, “I am sorry I did not know in time to stop it. She is sorry you were not the one to teach me how to use the Rocket.”

* * *

Jayne didn’t want to be hearing this. This female, _his_ female, telling him about being with another man? He was going to vom—

Wait a minute. Wait one _gorram minute_.

“The… Rocket? You never…? But… my… and… _big_ and red and… you ain’t gone sly?”

* * *

And they called _her_ incomprehensible.

“Sly? She has never been attracted to women in the past, though perhaps, given time to explore the possibility—“

Jayne put one large hand over her mouth and another over his eyes and took several deep breaths.

River waited an acceptable amount of time before licking his palm. He jumped and glared at her.

“You gotta stop scarin’ me like that, woman! Gonna make my engine give out one of these times,” he scolded.

“Just testing the waters,” she replied, trying to look innocent.

* * *

“I gotta start from the gate, here, an’ make sure I got this understood,” Jayne began, willing his brain not to start an argument, as was its habit.

“You was tryin’ to take care of your ‘desire,’ so you an’ ‘Nara went to Jo’s place to get you a,” he paused, unsure of the proper term, “ _thing_ —“

River interrupted. “Correct. She and Inara visited your sister’s establishment to find a simulated phallus that would serve her needs.”

“Don’t interrupt. I’m tryin’ to think, here,” Jayne snapped, barreling on. “An’ you bought the one that’s modeled off of me—“

“She did not know it was modeled on Jayne’s man parts when she chose it,” River explained.

“Gorramit, girl, I said, ‘don’t interrupt’!” he felt chastened as he watched her flinch at his words. “An’ then you went to a man-wh— _Companion_ ,” he corrected himself before she could, “an’, instead of sexin’ you, he showed you how to use the... _thing_?”

River looked at him patiently.

“What?” he grunted.

“Was just waiting for you to finish. Didn’t want to _interrupt_ ,” she said significantly.

Frustratin’ woman! “I’m done,” he grumbled, though his grumpy mood was fast evaporating into something significantly more pleasant.

She’d chosen _his_ man-parts. His were the only that had ever been inside her. They were the only that _would_ ever be inside her. And she wanted the _future_ with him. She wanted _him_.

“You understand,” she confirmed, and dove in for another kiss.

* * *

Oh, go se. What was his problem _now_?

“Hold up, baby girl. I can’t give you what you need right now…” he sighed, gesturing to his groin.

River thanked whatever dear and fluffy lord had given her the foresight to bring the small bag along. She gave Jayne a seductive grin and produced the object stored inside the pouch.

“This will do for now,” she purred, placing the Rocket in his hands as she pushed his torso back to the mattress, “though I’m sure the original is _much_ better.”

**Author's Note:**

> At least one kit for making models of what Jayne calls man-parts existed at the time I wrote this story. This is really true.


End file.
